RECALIBRATING MY HEART, THE CHRISTIAN WAY by TJFA

I often see sad post of women of their past relationships, of how bad things ended, and how they were betrayed. I my self was tagged of these post since my friends knew that I experienced the same.

It breaks my heart seeing these girls remained trapped of their past, since moving on is truly hard because they stayed longer in the relationship. Some relationships took 5 years and for others 8 years. But as for me, my ex-boyfriend and I broke up when we were about to enter our 12th anniversary.

It's  sad and I died the moment I knew that I could not save it. There are things left unsaid and there are questions left unanswered. We started young so we often times got tangled into a fight since we could not handle emotions and most of the time jealousy. Yet, we were happy. I could not compare the happiness I felt before when we are together. Years past and suspicions grew since jealousy often finds us. He got jealous of everyone and I got jealous of his collogues that lead to a much bigger issue. I went out with friends to have a good time just to seek his attention since I felt he got fond of his co employee. That issue got settled and we remained in the relationship. 

All I thought was we were strong since we already planned of getting married. Despite all of our plans, he has his reasons and he has his doubts, but those things were okay, what is not okay was that he changed. Everything was cold and it gets more colder and colder until he asked for space. He said he could not see himself happy if he will marry me. That in all his reasons it boils down to his petty observations that I am not going to be a good wife. He could not say straight to me that he loved someone else. I am narrating this to you now as if I had never gone into a lot of pain, but to tell the truth depression consumed me.

I have nothing left during those times, all I have was broken heart and an empty pocket. I resigned with my job, and I failed my bar exam, I am alone too since I could not open up to anybody. I enclosed myself inside my closet all day, I no longer eat and I have no interest of everything. I felt numb that I could no longer felt the wind blowing, I isolated myself away from the world. I conditioned my mind not to think at all and I just lay dead on the floor looking at the ceiling for days. Days turned to months and my head is slowly parting from reality, I have voices in my head and I looked at the things as if they were moving.

Days past and I found myself praying, I cried to the Lord and bleed out my heart until tears run dry. All I pray was to forget and for the pain to stop. I help myself by going into a psychiatrist for intervention, I have my friends who graduated psychology and they too gives support.

But its still all you and your way of handling your emotions.

 

LET GO AND LET GOD 

When you let go, let go of everything. The first thing I did was to accept that he no longer loved me. I conditioned my mind to love the remaining part of myself that was left unbroken. I let go of all the things that reminds me of him. Including the music that plays from 2006 to 2018. I let go of the places and everything that has something to do with him. I changed not just my social media accounts but the way I deal with life without him.

SELFELOVE AND ACCEPTANCE

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I told myself, You are beautiful. Those things he said about who I am and what I am is not important because its his opinion. I am not perfect but I am capable of so many things. I learn to counter the bad things he said that I cannot do by the things I can. I learned how to love and appreciate myself.

Learn to accept that he is no longer there as always, that all the promises were gone. Accept that he does not love you anymore.

FRIEND SUPPORT

Find someone who never gets tired of listening. Who will be with you and have fun with you to forget. A friend whom you can console you and give worthy advices.

NEVER CLOSE THE DOORS

I always kept the picture of Jesus and the little girl with a small teddy bear, it reminds me that I have to let go of the smaller bear because Jesus prepared my Jonathan for me.

 

FAMILY IS EVERYTHING

 

Every time sadness takes over, I simply enjoy being with my family and feel that despite what happened I am beyond blessed because my family loved me and they supported me all the way.

 

All I can say is that I am proud of my self because I survived the pain. It was a long process but I can I assure you your heart can forget, because it is your mind who should be in control when you are broken, and not your heart.

The body has the ability to reject the pain and learn to adopt to change. It's human nature to survive.

We should not remain broken, and bitter to the past. Let us all learn to forget, but take note of the lessons. We are happier when we chose to humble our hearts than to to submit to anger. We should be in control, skip time, never look back and move on. Life is easier when we let go.

Now, I know he is happy, but I am happier.

I once loved him, but that was a  long long time ago. I learn to recalibrate my heart to heal and love again.

Whenever I see him, I see him just ordinary, I shake hands and often take a step to mend ties. Nothing more, its just the way how Christian approaches to people who hurts them, with warmth and cheerful heart.

To all the ladies that is still hurting. You are all beautiful. You are all perfect. Nothing is wrong with you. They left because you are destined to someone else. You will be okay, believe me because I've been there. And believe in God, because His plan is perfect.